Godliness: How to Love Your Spouse Like (He Was) Jesus

Godliness: How to Love Your Spouse Like (He Was) Jesus
The Mutual Duties of Husbands and Wives Towards Each Other

Read Ephesians 5:21-33

When Paul arrived in Athens, he looked around at that deeply superstitious city’s temples and remarked how religious the Athenians were. Among the heathen temples, he found one dedicated to the unknown God. Paul used that temple to show the Athenians that even their own religion contained reference to the true and living God and that the unknown God had actually revealed himself as Christ. Marriage is like that, because everywhere, in every religion, all over the world, people practice marriage. And marriage reveal Christ’s relationship to the church.

MOTIVE AND MEANS IN SUBMISSION
But, even though pagan marriage displays the mystery of the Church and Christ, Christian marriage is qualitatively different from the world’s version of marriage because it reveals the mystery through submission. Sure, submission is also an element of pagan marriage, but there are two key differences: motive and means:

For one thing, the motive for submission in a non-Christian marriage is not Christ, or Christ-likeness. Rather, (especially for the wife) the motive may be a self-serving kind of love; or it may be a motive that is are rooted in fear- like, fear of losing family honor, fear of social consequences, fear of abuse, fear of loneliness, fear of poverty etc. For the husband the motive may be personal comfort, not rocking the boat, “to shut her up”; fear of verbal abuse- or feeling like a child, less then a man; or just to look good to others.

And the means also is different in pagan marriage. Submission is more like servitude or survival – keeping the peace- on the part of the women. And on the part of the husband, if submission exists at all, it is cowardly and unmanly- it is submission that crushes the spirit and results in rebellious children. Or else pride replaces it with tyranny, abuse and control.

But none of that is a picture of Christian marriage. (Sure Christian marriage can and is often patterned after pagan marriage, but it need be). Christian marriage is meant to communicate the gospel- it is one of the most practical ways that Christians can incarnate the gospel in our culture. Marriage is a great mystery in verse 32. It is a mystery that is only revealed in Christ and the Church. That means that the fellowship of the church and our unity with Christ are the model for marriage. John Piper says,

The mystery of Genesis 2:24 is that the marriage it describes is a parable or
symbol of Christ's relation to his people. …[God] patterned marriage very
purposefully after the relationship between his Son and the church, which he
planned from eternity.

The mystery of marriage is that reveals the gospel of Jesus Christ. It’s a “privilege to image forth stupendous divine realities infinitely bigger and greater than ourselves” (Piper). Verse 30b is a quote from the Poem Adam wrote for Eve when he first laid his eyes on her: This is now bone of my bones/ And flesh of my flesh (Gen 2:23). Just as Eve was taken from Adam’s side and given life, so the church is taken from Christ’s sword pierced side and sanctified by his blood and given eternal life.

1. Submission: Why Christian Marriage is different.
A. Motive:
This text commands both men and women to submit explicitly and implicitly. First, explicitly in verse 21, where it says, “submit (or be subject) to one another in the fear of the Lord.” Fear, not of losing family honor, or of social consequences, or of abuse, or of loneliness, or of poverty… fear of the Lord, which is the beginning of wisdom. Submission is evidence not only of wisdom, but also of true reverence of God.

Submit to one another is a command to all Christians:
· To God;
· Elders to Congregation; congregation to Elders:
Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you. (Hebrews 13:17).
· Believers to one another
· To Secular authorities
· Wife to Husband and Husband to Wife

That is the wise behaviour that comes as a result of fear of the Lord. John MacArthur says is better than me, he writes,

Proper submission is a key theme of Spirit–filled living. All believers are to
submit to each other (Eph. 5:21). Wives are to submit to their husbands (Eph.
5:22). Children are to submit to their parents (Eph. 6:1–3). Believers are to
submit to government laws and ordinances (Rom. 13:1; 1 Pet. 2:13). Younger
men are to submit to older men (1 Pet. 5:5a).

But this is not a blanket command- it has limitations. For instance, we’re not commanded to be in submission to false brethren or abusive and heretical teachers. It’s not a command to check your brains at the door and mindlessly follow the dictates of some self appointed mouthpiece for God. It is a command to serve, not to servitude. It’s a command to strength, not oppression. It is a command to be Christ-like, not coward-like.

B. Means:
That’s the motive, let’s look at the means (or the application): found first in verse 22. As I have just proved, Paul is not saying “be in submission to a tyrant”; he’s not saying be somebody’s punching bag; he’s not saying if your husband tells you to sin- sin. Jesus said, “if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off!” If a relationship comes between you and Christ, do not submit! So when the bible tells wives to submit to their husbands it is saying submit to them as though your husband were Christ (even though he is not). Jesus will never beat you black and blue; Jesus will never violate your child’s innocence; Jesus will never rob you of your self worth and make you feel as though you are dirt! That is an anti-Christ. The command for wives to submit their husbands is followed best when husbands obey the command to submit to their wives. And the command for husband to submit works best when their wives treat them like they were Christ, not the anti-Christ. It’s circular! And when one fails, the other will soon follow.

“Wait a minute, Verse 25 doesn’t say that husbands must submit to wives” you might say. Actually it does, it is implied by the context: you see, the word “Submit” in the Greek in v. 22 and 25 is not used; it’s implied for both verses by the context and by verse 21- but the translators help us out by using it in v. 22, but for some reason not in verse 25. Here’s what Paul says, “Submit to one another in the fear of God; wives to your husband as to the Lord… [skip to v. 25] husbands love to your wives as the Lord.[1]

The only difference between v. 22 and v. 25 in the original Greek, is not that the word ‘submit’ is missing from v. 25, but that something has been added to v. 25 that does not appear in v. 22: Love. So what Paul is saying is, “Men, submit your love to your wives according to the example of Christ.”

Everyone here would agree that Christ loves the church. But when I read the Gospels I don’t see Jesus loving the church the way that the modern effeminate hippy soy latté drinking Jesus loves the church by talking about his feelings. Jesus’ love for the church is displayed (not just felt) in action. We sappy sentimental moderns have turned love into an adjective… a subjective feeling- like butterflies in the heart (blame it on pop-music) and consequently the love of Christ has been emasculated. But for Jesus, love was a verb- it was his obedience, his sacrifice, his provision, his protection of the church that is the example for husbands.

The love that is spoken of in verse 25 is a verb- not an adjective. And, in a way, that’s good, because we men like it when we have tasks to do. But men be warned, and wives remember, this is not a task we men will ever complete in this life nor is it a task that in doing, we will ever be able to do as well as Christ did. It’s like a race where the more we improve, the harder it get’s. And the closer we get to the finish line, the further away it moves from us.

This is not an effeminate, overly sensitive, self absorbed love that spends all day talking about its feelings. This is a Christ-like, Christ oriented, God fearing, self denying, sacrificial, obedient unto death, active (not passive) love modeled not only by Christ’s humiliation at his first coming, but also by his exaltation at his second coming- that should be practiced as a way of life from this time forward as an act of submission to your wives so that they will be able to be in submission to you as though they were in submission to Christ himself (not the anti-Christ)!

Conclusion:
“So here are three steps to submitting to your husband like he was Jesus” and “here is an acrostic to help you to love your wife like Christ like Jesus.”

You know what- I’m not going to do that to you! Why? Because that would dishonor the question- as though I could teach you who Jesus was in the closing minutes of this sermon so that you would know how to worship and submit to him… so that you would know how to imitate him. This is a life process of learning about Jesus that comes through hearing the word preached on a regular basis and through studying his word and spending time meditating on him and in his presence in prayer. There is no fancy acronym or 3-step process to make that happen.

But I will offer this advice: Wives, the next time you feel the temptation (one which will be heightened by this sermon) to remind your husband of his failure to behave like Christ- remember last weeks sermon from the previous text in which we are all commanded to act like Christ. Does Jesus remind you of your failures every time you neglect to imitate him? Behaving like Christ is a process that takes a lifetime and if we are reminded every time we fail we may lose heart and give up.

And Husbands, remember when you remind your wives to submit, that it is a command to submit to a husband who is Christ-like. You don’t just turn that on- you have to work for it! I believe that the error most men make in submitting to their wives has to do with a reductionist Christology- that means that they reduce Christ to one of two types- either they reduce him to his humanity and so their example is one of a humble, obedient, suffering and sacrificial man. Or they reduce him to his divinity and they end up with an all powerful, law giving, wrathful disciplinarian Lord. Those are reductionist Christologies. To be like Christ we must remember that he was both God and man- he was both perfectly humble, obedient, suffering and sacrificial as well as all powerful, law giving, wrathful disciplinarian Lord. And that is the balance you must strive for if you are to submit your love to your wife as Christ does to the church! Otherwise your marriage will simply be a temple to some unknown God!

So that men may know that God has not given them a boundless sovereignty by
which they may trample women under foot, oppress them and behave tyrannically.
So he teaches that each one must adapt to his role with all humaneness. John
Calvin

Notes
[1] It should not be argued that the absence of the word “submit” in v. 22 and 25 only leaves it ambiguous as to what Paul really meant. For instance, in v. 24 Paul uses the word “subject” only once in the first phrase: “…just as the church is subject to Christ” but the word “subject” is obviously implied in the second phrase, even though it is absent: “so let wives be [subject] to their own husbands.